One of the most wonderful things that I have been gifted through our trainings and especially through Sigung’s wisdom and help is to enjoy a happy family life. It is one of the greatest gifts, I think, to love and feel loved within a family.
I would like to contribute the following question:
We are all different. We think, act and feel differently i.e. have different needs, aspirations, walk of lives etc. Apart from sharing our love and joy with our family members (family in a narrow and more wider sense), what are the skills and how can we train them to understand the other person better in order to be able to nurture them more effectively?
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Indeed, having a happy family life is one of the greatest gifts in life. It is also one of the values we cherish in our school. As I have said often, we do not just practice chi kung or kungfu, we apply what we have learned to enrich our life and the lives of others.
We think, act and feel differently i.e. have different needs, aspirations, and walks of lives. It is precisely important to realise this fact in order to have a happy family life.
Let us look at the needs, aspirations, walks of lives and other relevant factors of our blood family and our Shaolin Wahnam Family.
We are all different. We think, act and feel differently i.e. have different needs, aspirations, and walks of lives etc. Apart from sharing our love and joy with our family members, both in a narrow and more wider sense, what are the skills and how can we train them to understand the other person better in order to be able to nurture them more effectively?
The first skill is to realise this difference. For example, we in Shaolin Wahnam have enjoyed the benefits of our arts, and naturally we want our immediate family members to have these benefits too.
It will be foolhardy and bring a lot of unpleasantness to force our arts on them. Although they are our brothers and sisters, fathers or mothers, nieces and nephews, they live their lives differently. Let them live the lives the way they want. Do not try to force them to live their lives the way we want. It is their lives.
But we can show by examples. If you happened to have an illness and recovered by practicing our chi kung, tell them not only the effect but also the joys of your practice. Remind them that you need to put in effort. If they do not listen, that is their choice, and also their right.
You now live life healthy and happily. Tell them that it is the result of your practicing chi kung. If they want to have this health and happiness, they can practice our chi kung. They have to pay the fees for the training, and most importantly they have to practice everyday. It won’t take up too much of their time. they need to practice just about 10 minutes a session, twice a day.
If they do not spend the time practicing our chi kung, they would waste the time anyway, and probably remain sickly and unhappy. But it is their choice. Don’t pay the fees for them, or force them to practice if they do not want health and happiness. Realising this difference in choice is very important in sharing love and joy with them, or at lease avoiding dislike and unpleasantness.
An excellent way to develop this skill is mental clarity and realisation. Our arts give us mental clarity. What is needed is to realize the different needs and aspirations.. You also show by personal example. You yourself, practice our arts everyday.
Another important skill is to talk about things that they like to hear, not about things you want to talk about or you want them to hear. What you say must be truthful. Don’t lie to them to make things pleasant.
For example, your brother may want a better paying job. Don’t tell him that he has no money. It is not what he wants to hear though it is truthful. Don’t tell him he can strike a lottery. It is what he wants to hear but it is unlikely to be truthful.
Tell him that he can find a job that he likes and pays better, but he must make the effort to find it. If he just continues doing his job, it is unlikely his boss will give him more money, or a better paying job will come to him. But, if he chooses not to look for a better paying job, it is his choice. He chooses a low-paying job over putting effort to find a better paying one. Don’t nag him saying that he has no money or that there are plenty of better-paying jobs outside..
Another excellent way to share your love and joy with your family members, irrespective of whether they are in your immediate family or part of the Happy Shaolin Wahnam Family, is to have regular get-togethers. Such get-togethers may be picnics, outings or dinners.
For your immediate family, you may have to organise such get-togethers. It is easier for our extended Shaolin Wahnam Family. Your regular class is a good get-together where you can practice your skills of sharing love and happiness. You can also attend my regional courses or intensive courses to share love and happiness with other members in other countries.
It is common, especially in immediate families, that family members spend their time playing with their mobile phones instead of with other family members. You may have to suggest a rule that mobile phones are not allowed in such family gatherings. If anyone has to take an important call, he (or she) must do so briefly away from the gathering, and come back to the gathering quickly. If he does this often, he has to shut off his mobile phone. Taking calls is not as important as sharing love and happiness at a family gathering.
A better way is to lead the conversation so skilfully that other people voluntarily shut off their mobile phones. The topics of conversation must be so interesting that they involve everybody in the gathering. And you must be ready to be a good listener, not speaking most of the time.
You may, for example, start the interesting conversation by saying, “Mom, tell us how you keep our family together when we were small”, or “Dad, how ddi you spend time with our family when we were tiny children?“ If anyone is disinterested, for which you must be on the lookout, you can ask that someone what he thinks of the conversation. If his answer is short, like “Interesting”, ask him to tell the gathering what he finds interesting.
You may need to pay for the gathering to get it going. Paying some money is certainly worthwhile for you to share your love and joy with your family members. Later, you may suggest that family members pay a share of the gathering, or take turns to pay for the gathering. If any of your family member is unable to pay his share due to financial difficulty, you may secretly pay for him without others knowing so that he will not feel embarrassed.
If anyone does not attend the gathering, you can suggest a heavy fine. You may say something like “The gathering is in honour of our dad and mom who sacrificed much for our well being. It is insulting to them if you don’t attend.” Of course you dad and mom won’t be paying for the gathering.
If you follow these golden guidelines, you will make your family members more loving and caring for one another. The guidelines are:
Recognize that different people, even your family members, have different needs and aspiration. Let them live the lives they want. Do not force them to live the lives you want.
Say something pleasant and truthful in their presence. Do not say anything that may hurt their feelings or sensitivities. Organize family gatherings regularly. Mobile phones are not allowed in such gatherings. Lead the conversation so that everyone will enjoy the gathering.
But how would you develop these skills or abilities. These skills or abilities are related to mental clarity and internal force. If you have mental clarity, not only you realise the importance of having a happy family, you are also in a better position to acquire the skills or abilities for it.
You need internal force to learn the skills and carry out the abilities. If you just know that having a happy family is important, that is not enough. You must be able to make your family happy. Internal force will give you the necessary energy.
The training in our school gives us mental clarity and internal force. They will make our family happy if you carry out the suggestions mentioned above. Having a happy family life is a wonderful value to cherish. But you need to put in some effort to be successful.
Grandmaster Wong, his wife his son and daughter-inlaw and grandchildren
The beautiful smile of our Shaolin Wahnam Secretary reflects the joy with which our Shaolin Wahnam Family members look at the world today, and the hope we have for the world in the future
This question is a broad one and may not be responded to if it is considered superfluous. My question is simply what does Master Wong Kiew Kit see for the future of this entire planet and how does he think that his life and life for people in the future will be.
— Yaroslav, Canada
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Your questions are interesting and important for the future of humanity.
Our training has made me and those in our school very optimistic. Not only we wholesomely enjoy the present, we forgive the wrongs that others may have done to us in the past and look towards the future with hopes and aspirations. If we feel we have wronged ourselves, we forgive ourselves
It is not that we are irresponsible with our past, licentious with our present or uncaring with our future. In fact we hold high moral values, as guided by our Ten Shaolin Laws, and cultivate spiritually every time we train, and we train conscientiously every day.
The wonderful benefits that we get are not just extrinsic, due to verbal or written teaching. More significantly they are intrinsic, due to our dedicated training that results in a purification of our body, intellect and soul. It is pertinent to mention that these are no empty words. These words accurately describe the benefits our students are getting.
Many schools also say that their training purifies the body, intellect and soul. Even some schools teaching the most brutal form of martial art where students seem to take pride in causing hurt to their opponents or sparring partners also say that their training is spiritual. But an intelligent observation of the students’ results will tell whether the claims of the schools are true.
If the students become more unhealthy as a result of their training, then it is obviously not true that their training purifies the body. If the students do not even realize that they are not getting the benefits their arts are purported to give despite having trained for a long time, it is obvious their training does not purify their intellect.
If the students become more dull and depressed, it is obvious their training does not purify their soul. These conclusions are obvious, yet it is shocking that thousands of students all over the world are getting unhealthier and depressed as a result of their training, and are unaware of it.
How do we justify our claim that our training purifies the body, the intellect and the soul. After practicing for some time our students overcome their pain and illness and attain good health. This justifies our claim that our training purifies our body, as a pure body is naturally healthy. When the body is chocked with impurities, like toxic waste, viruses and locked emotions, it fails in its natural functions and become sick or in pain.
After practicing for some time our students have much mental clarity. They are clear about the aims and objectives of their training, and how well their training helps them to attain their aims and objectives. If you examine how and what they write in our Shaolin Wahnam Discussion Forum, their mental clarity is quite obvious. This justifies our claim that our training purifies the intellect, as a purified intellect results in mental clarity.
The writings of our students in our Discussion Forum also show that they are happy and peaceful with themselves and with other people. In fact, many of our students often expressed how grateful they are for having practiced our arts which make them find life and the world so beautiful. This shows that their practice has purified their soul, for a purified soul will find beauty in life and the world.
What has this explanation of purifying the body, intellect and soul to do with your question. It has everything to do with the question. Firstly, it explains how members of our Shaolin Wahnam Family and I look at the world now and in the future. We are grateful for the many good things in our world now. And we are confident that the world in future will be even better.
We are living in a golden age. Many people may be surprised at this statement. They think the golden age was a few hundred years ago. No, a few hundred years ago you didn’t even have electricity or tap water, things that we take for granted now but forget how important they are in making life comfortable. A few hundred years ago most people did not have a chance to go to school. Now you can assess amazing information via the internet at the tips of your fingers!
More significantly the above explanation will affect how you and many other people see our world in future — whether you will see it as a beautiful home or a doomed place where resources run out. This will become clear as I answer your other questions.
Despite over 60, Grandmaster Wong and Dr Riccardo Salvetore examplify good health, mental clarity and spirtual joy as a result of purifying body, intellect and soul
Grandmaster Wong presenting a paper at the 2nd World Qigong Congress in 1997 where he was awarded “Qigong Master of the Year”
As we move into 2016, it is worthwhile to look back over the years at what we in Shaolin Wahnam have discovered. Viewing these discoveries from a particular vantage point, some of our family members may not realise their great significance, but viewing the discoveries over many years, with reference to the general development of chi kung and kungfu, these discoveries are really remarkable, and may create history for posterity.
One of the greatest of these discoveries is to enter into a chi kung state of mind, or to enter Zen in Shaolin Kungfu, or to enter Tao in Taijiquan. Shaolin Wahnam students today are very familiar with entering into a chi kung state of mind as we perform it every time we practice, but this concept, as we understand it, is actually new. I did not know about this chi kung state of mind in my students’ days, and most chi kung and kungfu practitioners today are unaware of it.
My first introduction to this chi kung state of mind, though it was not so called at the time, was during a casual talk with my sifu, Sifu Ho Fatt Nam. My siifu told me, “If you are not relaxed and focused, you may as well not practice because you will not get any benefit.”
The first time I read about the term, chi kung state of mind, was from the great chi kung master of China, Sifu Yen Xin. He mentioned that entering into a chi kung state of mind is crucial in chi kung training. He explained that it was a new term, probably coined by him himself, and in the past this mental state was known as “entering silence”. It dawned on me that in other cultures, the same mental state was described as attaining a heightened level of consciousness. I also recalled reading some chi kung literature that the mind, not energy, is the most important factor in chi kung, though it literally means “energy art”.
The skill to enter into a chi kung state of mind was developed by me over many years. When I first taught chi kung to the public, I did not ask students to enter into a chi kung state of mind. But when I found the skill useful, I not only taught it, I transmitted it.
One main reason why I could improve my teaching methodology tremendously, sometimes beyond recognition, is because I teach about a hundred classes a year, whereas most other teachers teach only a class or two. In other words, a typical chi kung teacher teaches his students a particular chi kung exercise one or twice a year, but I teach the same exercise a hundred times. This gives me a lot of opportunities to improve my teaching methods.
Entering into a chi kung state of mind is fantastic. Now students at my Intensive Chi Kung Course can generate a chi flow within the first hour. My early students took about 4 to 5 months to generate a chi flow. Most other practitioners cannot generate a chi flow at will regardless of how long they may have practiced chi kung.
Besides speeding up the attainment of our students, entering into a chi kung state of mind also enables them to accomplish unbelievable high-level results. In a regional course of Massaging Internal Organs of just 4 hours, even relative beginners can direct chi to their internal organs to massage them. In a regional course of Bone Marrow Cleansing, within 4 hours even relative beginners could direct chi to flow at different levels and derive various wonderful benefits. Others outside our school, even when they are sympathetic to us, may find it hard to believe.
How do we know our students could direct chi to their internal organs or to whatever level they wish? In the respective courses, they reported form their own experience that they could do so. In principle, it is like asking someone sitting on a chair how he knows he is sitting on a chair. He knows from direct experience. Only those who have never directed chi to their internal organs or to whatever level they wish, would ask such a question.
In kungfu training, two of the greatest discoveries, and which our students benefit immediately, are to develop internal force and to use kungfu for combat. These two attainments are actually the two pillars of kungfu training. In other words, all kungfu training, if it is done correctly and successfully, is geared towards developing force and combat efficiency.
Again, as developing internal force and applying kungfu for combat are so common in our school that those who are not exposed to other kungfu schools may mistakenly think these kungfu accomplishments are the norms. Although we are not unique in having these abilities, they are certainly very rare. Most kungfu practitioners today, including some masters, do not have internal force, and do not know how to use kungfu for combat.
One of the crucial factor that enables me to discover methods that enable our students to develop internal force and to apply kungfu for combat was differentiating between skills and techniques. This itself was a remarkable discovery. In my students’ days, I did not know the difference between skills and techniques, Most kungfu practitioners today, including masters, do not differentiate between skills and techniques.
The techniques used by all kungfu practitioners to develop internal force and to apply kungfu for combat are genuine. But most practitioners (outside our school) do not have the necessary skills, and they are unaware of it. Those who persist in the techniques for many years and eventually succeed, become masters, and they form a very small proportion of the starting population. The others fail, or give up half-way.
From our perspective, the most important discovery is to transfer our chi kung and kungfu training to enrich our daily life. We do so purposefully and systematically, and I am very happy that we have been very successful.
Previously I thought that the biggest group of people who wrote to thank me would be those whom I helped to cure from so-called incurable diseases. But this was not so. The biggest group of people, by a very big margin, who wrote to thank me were initially healthy. They thanked me for sharing our arts that enabled them to enrich their lives as well as the lives of other people.
Like other discoveries, this discovery was, and is, not common in kungfu circles. Many past masters, despite their high chi kung or kungfu attainment, did not lead happy lives. Some of them, due to their training, were more efficient in their work than had they not trained chi kung or kungfu, but unlike us they did not consciously apply their chi kung or kungfu training to enrich their lives.
Today’s situation is worse. Many chi kung and kungfu masters are sick, physically or emotionally, and some have to take medication on a routine basis. A world known surgeon told me some shocking news — more than 75% of his patients were top martial artists, and their most frequent treatment was hip replacement. These top martial artists practiced their arts as hobbies, which ware meant to give them pleasure!
We in Shaolin Wahnam are indeed very lucky. We have good health, vitality and longevity — though some of you may have to wait 30 years to confirm this benefit. We have mental freshness and mental clarity as well as spiritual joys, irrespective of religion, like being peaceful and happy.
I wish all our Shaolin Wahnam family members and all our guests good health and happiness.
Wong Kiew Kit
1st January 2016.
Grandmaster Wong demonstrating a chin-na technique