(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/general/perception.html)
A New Year Gift from Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
PERCEPTION IS OFTEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN REALITY
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Category Archives: Shaolin Wahnam Insight
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LEARNING AND PRACTICING, INFORMATION AND PERFORMANCE
(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/sp-issues/practicing-performance.html)
One can learn a lot about kungfu by reading good kungfu books
Question
I have recently started to learn kung fu, but I feel sometimes that I am not learning as much as I could. But I have nothing to compare with.
— Edward, UK
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Some people may think it is a matter of semantics, but actually the difference in the choice of words here is crucial. I clearly remember that in my early days with Sifu Ho Fatt Nam, my sifu told me, “One does not learn kungfu, he practises kungfu.”
That was good advice from a great master. When you learn kungfu, you add techniques, or worse still you add theoretical information. When you practise kungfu, you go over and over again what you already know, without adding something new.
Most people want to learn kungfu; they would be bored practising kungfu. When you learn kungfu, even if you keep on learning for many years, you remain a learner, or at best a scholar. When you practise kungfu, if you keep on practising for many years, you may become a master.
Another crucial difference is that when you learn kungfu, your emphasis is on information, whereas when you practise kungfu, your emphasis is on performance. When your emphasis is on information, you may know a lot about kungfu, such as various techniques to develop internal force and to defend yourself, but still you have no internal force and cannot defend yourself.
Perhaps for this reason, some people cynically say that “those who cannot, teach; those who can, do.” But this cynical statement does not apply to genuine kungfu, because the emphasis is on performance. A good kungfu exponent is one who is healthy and can efficiently defend himself, not one who knows a lot about kungfu information.
This, of course, does not necessarily mean that information is useless in kungfu. Information is very useful, but it should be geared towards practical results.
There are two sets of criteria you can compare your training with. One, you can compare with what kungfu is reputed to produce, such as good health and combat efficiency. Has your training made you healthy and combat efficient?
Of course, you must be fair. You cannot expect to have good results after just a few months of training. But if you have been practising for a few years, and yet you are still sickly and defenceless, you would have wasted your time even though you might have accumulated a lot of kungfu knowledge.
Two, you can compare with the purposes for which you want to practise kungfu. For example, if your purposes are to learn some graceful kungfu movements to loosen your limbs and joints, as well as to demonstrate to friends, you would have achieved your purposes.
To attain good kungfu performance, one needs to practice correctly and diligently
LINKS
Reproduced from Questions 3 in Selection of Questions and Answers — August 2001 Part 2
You can visit the Facebook Page for Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit’s books (Cosmos Internet Sdn Bhd).
You can also visit the website for Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit’s books at Cosmos Internet.
FIVE FACTORS FOR CONSIDERATION WHEN MOVING IN STANCES
(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/discussion/taijiquan2008/taijiquan2008-04.html)
Students will find the below discussion useful for reviewing Moving in Stances in our Shaolin Wahnam Kung Fu Level 1 syllabus.
Adrea and Sifu Jeffrey Segal
Grandmaster Wong explaining the various factors one can consider when moving in stances
The following discussion is reproduced from the thread Intensive Taijiquan in Malaysia September 2008 started in the Shaolin Wahnam Discussion Forum on 14th September 2008.
| Andrea Shaolin Wahnam Switzerland 21st September 2008 |
 |
Dear Jeffrey Sipak,
| Originally Posted by Jeffrey Segal What are the five factors to take into consideration when we are training moving in stances? |
A big thank you for posting these question. There was so much material on the course, I probably would not have gone back to these points any time soon. And while doing so I realized how much of a treasure, they will be for my practice.
Why? Because one of the difficulties I had when practicing “moving in stances” was that I “ran out of ideas” where and how to move. These factors and the way Sigung taught them, make it easy to first select where I want to be at the end of the move and how I will be moving. Amazing 
. I will definitely spend time practicing moving in stances over the next few weeks. But first let’s see if I did get the 5 factors correctly. Here is my answer:
- Directions : as given away by Hubert Sisook on his post above. Thank you.
- Leg mode : Left to Right, Left to Left, Right to Left, Right to Right (I just saw Ade Sisook added this one allready while I was writing this post)
- Reference point : Front leg, mid point, back leg.
- Yin-Yang approach to leg movement: Inside-out (Yin approach), outside-in (Yang approach) or straight
- Body movement : Clockwise or anti-clockwise
Are they correct? If so I feel confident about 4 of the 5 factors. The one I am still not very sure I understand correctly is the reference point. My understanding is that whatever we choose as the reference point is where the movement is started. If we turn to another direction this is also the rotation point. Is it? I think what confuses me is my understand of a reference point as a “fixed point” – i.e the point that does not move, while here it is the point that moves first.
If my understanding as explained above is correct, what does it mean for the mid point? Is it just the “rotation” point? Where does the movement start? I tried to review the video about this part (MOV05870 disk1) but however hard I try, I fail to see the link between the mid point and the movement sigh 
. I would be very grateful for any comment and help.
Warm regards from cold little Switzerland (4 degrees C yesterday in the morning)
Andrea
__________________
“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
If you let go completely, you will have complete peace.” (Venerable Ajahn Chah Subhatto)
Grandmaster Wong demonstrating how to use end-point reference when changing directions
| Sifu Jeffrey Segal Instructor, Shaolin Wahnam Australia 21st September 2008 |
 |
Excellent answer, Andrea!
I agree that the scope of this exercise is enormous 
One way of understanding the reference point is that this is where the back leg will be when you have arrived at your new stance. In other words, the reference point is where you need to get to with your new back leg before you can correctly move into your new position. Where there is a rotation, it’s the point about which you rotate. It’s also worth noting that when we talk about the point of reference, we’re talking about the stance we’re in before we move, not the position we’re moving to! Here are some examples to illustrate what I mean.
Let’s say we’re training Bow Arrow Stance and that we’re starting in right mode facing north. Please note that this is the starting point for each of the examples i.e. they are not continuous. For now, let’s just concern ourselves with the first three factors which are direction, leg mode and point of reference . You’ll notice that I just write “Left” or “Right” for the second factor. Thus, if we are starting in Right mode, “Left” means “Right-Left” and “Right” means “Right-Right”.
North, Left, Front means that we’ll take a full step forward into Left Bow Arrow.
North, Right, Front means we would roll forward with the left leg and then advance the right leg (so we’d still be in Right Bow Arrow).
East, Right, Front means we would roll forward with the left leg and then turn to the right and advance the right leg into Right Bow Arrow (facing east). In this case, the point of reference is also the point of rotation.
East, Right, Back means we would roll back with the right leg and then turn right and advance the right leg into Right Bow Arrow. Here again, the point of reference is the point of rotation
West, Right, Middle means we would roll forward a half step with the left leg and turning to the left, advance the right leg into Right Bow Arrow (facing west) Here, the mid point of our original Right Bow Arrow has become the point of rotation and the place where are (left) back leg belongs.
And one slightly trickier example
South, Left, Back means we’d turn around and roll forward with the right leg before advancing the left leg into Left Bow Arrow. Alternatively, we could roll back with the right leg and then turn and advance the left leg into left bow arrow facing south.
Please let me know if that’s clear.
Greetings from Melbourne
__________________
Jeffrey Segal
Shaolin Wahnam Australia
www.wahnamaustralia.com
OUR FUTURE WORLD IS BRIGHT AND HOPEFUL
(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/sp-issues/future-world.html)
There is more than enough land to support a much bigger population
Question
In the end as a whole I am wondering what Master Wong sees for the future and what his ideas in general are for what will be held in store. Does he see the future as a bright or dark one.
— Yaroslav, Canada
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Due to our training, we in Shaolin Wahnam see the future world as bright and hopeful, even better and more comfortable than our present world.
We believe that the concern for the depletion of resources, not only of energy but also of food, water and land, is due to negative perceptions as a result of faulty presumptions. Many times in history men (and, of course, this includes women) worried about over-population. They were seriously worried whether there was enough food and land to feed and house the increasing population.
Population not only increased, but exploded. Yet, we have much more food now than any time in the past. There may be famine in some parts of our present world, but it is not caused by lack of food due to increasing population, but caused by poor management of availbale resources. There was a time when there were few people on our planet; that was also the time when food was scarce.
Many people are worried that if the world population continues to increase, there will be shortage of water. This again is a perception, not a reality. A different perception is that the supply of water is infinite. Water that has been used by humans flows to the world oceans where it evaporates, becomes clouds and drops as rain to become pure water again. This cycle goes on infinitum.
So we have two perceptions. Which one is correct? As an optimist, of course I choose the perception that the water cycle provides us with an infinite supply of water. Based on facts about water today, this perception is more reasonable. Those who are worried about our water supply would be happy to know the following facts.
Only 3 percent of the world’s water is fresh water, 97 percent is found in the oceans. About 70 percent of this 3 percent of fresh water, i.e. about 2 percent of the world’s water, is locked in ice as glaciers and at the ice-capped poles. Of the remaining 1 percent, 0.7 percent is underground. In other words, all the water in all our great lakes, rivers and stream forms only 0.3 percent of the world’s supply of water. And we use only a small portion of this 0.3 percent, which is renewable by our water-cycle.
This does not mean that we can waste water or be careless in our consumption. But these facts show that any negative perception about water being depleted is unfounded. The perception that the bulk of the world’s water in the ocean is unuseable is also unfounded. Even now man has the technology to turn ocean water to fresh water. Then why is this not done on a large scale? The reason is that we still have a lot of untouched fresh water, and it is easier and cheaper to use this source though at present it is not necessary.
Another factor that causes concern to some people is the scacity of land. This is also a faulty perception. Your country, Canada, is well known for having a lot of land and too few people. Even in Europe, where the population densities are high, or in China, which houses a quarter of humankind, if you take a ride in the countryside, you will be impressed with the fact that there is actually still a lot of land presently avaliable for people to live in.
It is true that unlike water which is renewable, land is finite. In other words, in theory there will come a time when all land on our planet will be used up if the world population comtinues expanding ad infinitum. But in practice if that ever happens it surely will be a long, long, long time away — too far way in the infinite future for us to justify concern when your neigbours utilize more land or your friends produce more babies.
Instead of worrying over what you perceive may happen but actually may not happen in the forseeable future, you should wholesomely enjoy your present and be grateful for the wonderful benefits the world today has given you. You will be in a better position to do so if you practice high-level arts that purify body, intellect and soul.
There is still a lot of water in the world
Dealing with Betrayal – Happy Family Life Question and Answer 10 – Part 2
reproduced from https://www.wongkiewkit.com/forum/showthread.php?12571-10-Questions-on-Happy-Family-Life.
This thread is facilitated by Ollie from our Shaolin Nordic family. Thank you, Ollie!
Happy Family Life Question and Answer 10 — Part 2
(Continued from Part 1)
Yes, even in a good, long term relationship, a betrayal sometimes happens, and it causes a lot of pain. But with wisdom and compassion, which we learn from our school, we can much minimize the pain. At an advanced level of our development, we may even change this problem of betrayal into an opportunity for development!
My own experience may serve as a useful lesson. You can read the details from my autobiography, “The Way of the Master.”
About 30 years ago in the 1980s I was bitterly betrayed by a chi kung master and some senior students of Shaolin Wahnam Association. I helped the chi kung master in some difficult situations, and offered him a post as a chi kung healer in a company I set up with two other partners. Yet, he betrayed me – bitterly.
I taught senior disciples of Shaolin Wahnam Association secrets that most masters would keep as top secrets. One of the senior disciples told me, after just a few months of training, that his assistant instructor was very surprised when he countered a seemingly formidable attack. Another senior disciple, whom I gave money to in his difficulty, became famous for lion dance, and he performed a spectacular lion dance just one week after an appendicitis operation. I helped another senior disciple to become a kungfu and lion dance instructor in another school, and shared with him some highly paid remunerations in teaching kungfu and lion dance in another school.
Yet, they all betrayed me. I transformed from a highly respected master to a bad guy in town, especially when I supported a world known master, Sifu Yan Xing of China, in distant chi transmission.
But I forgave all of them. I changed their betrayals to opportunities for improvement. These senior disciples were the push factors for my travels overseas and subsequently established Shaolin Wahnam Institute. Chi flow, a hallmark of our school, was much influenced by the chi kung master who betrayed me.
I forgave all of them and wished them well. One of the betrayers, who is not one of the three senior disciples mentioned above, but whom I specially taught Choe Family Wing Choon Kungfu when he requested it, would have died if not for my chi kung healing – at a time when his betrayal was still fresh.
There was an interesting episode. A few years ago, students of former Shaolin Wahnam Association organized a dinner in my honour. As I entered the door for the dinner, an elderly, cheerful man came out to greet me. He looked familiar but I could not remember him. Later, another disciple told me that the elderly, cheerful man was the one who betrayed me, the one whom I saved with chi kung healing. He renounced the world and dedicated himself to spiritual cultivation. I was glad that he was happy. 30 years ago when he was my student, he hardly smiled.
Whether it is wise to keep a relationship despite a betrayal for the sake of their children, depends on numerous factors, some of which are the life philosophy of the victim, how serious was the betrayal, and the age and understanding of the children.
Suppose a wife had sexual affairs with another man, and the husband found it out, the husband may forgive his wife if he loves her dearly and the wife stops the affairs. After all, in modern societies there is no guarantee that a man or a woman does not have prior sex before marriage. If the husband has a poor philosophy of life and dislikes her, it is a valid reason, or an excuse, to divorce her, irrespective of whether they have children.
If the husband is sexually inadequate but loves his wife dearly, and the other man is good, it is wise to keep the relationship, not only for the sake of their children, but also for the pleasure of his wife and the other man, as well as his own happiness despite his inadequacy. If they have no children, or if the children are big and understanding, he can divorce his wife after making sure the other man will marry her.
If their children are small and the husband is sexually capable, but the wife finds it more pleasurable to have sex with another man, it is wise to pretend not to know although he knows of his wife extra-marital affairs. He can have sex with his wife whenever he can, or have sex with other women when his sexual urge is demanding.
Such wisdom is rare. Most husbands will quarrel with their wives, and everyone involved suffers.
Dealing with Betrayal – Happy Family Life Question and Answer 10 – Part 1
reproduced from https://www.wongkiewkit.com/forum/showthread.php?12571-10-Questions-on-Happy-Family-Life.
This thread is facilitated by Ollie from our Shaolin Nordic family. Thank you, Ollie!
Happy Family Life Question and Answer 10 — Part 1
Question 10 by Karol
How to deal with betrayal?
It happens sometimes even in good, long term relationships, and causes a lot of pain.
Is it wise to keep it going in reason of children?
Karol
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
There are different types of betrayals. Betrayals can be between friends, between husband and wife, between father and son, and between master and student.
Although there are different types of betrayals, dealing with betrayals can be the same, but different people may deal with the different types of betrayals differently. In other words, three persons, A, B and C, may have three different ways of dealing with betrayals between friends, between husband and wife, between father and son, and between master and student, but each of the three persons will deal with the different types of betrayals the same way.
A may forgive his friend, forgive his wife (or husband), forgive his son (or father), and forgive his student (or master). B may be indifferent at his friend, indifferent at his wife, indifferent at his son, and indifferent at his student. C may be angry at his friend, angry at his wife, angry at his son, and angry at his student.
To be forgiving, indifferent and angry represents three typical responses to a situation, which are good, average and bad. In real life, when betrayed, very few will be forgiving, almost none will be indifferent, and almost all will be angry. Some may want to take revenge, and a few, if not angry, will be sad.
But I have classified the responses into three categories because they are the usual responses to situations. In some situation, such as health and attitude towards chi kung, most people will be indifferent, some good and some bad.
Whether one’s response to betrayals is good, average or bad depends much on his philosophy of life. Most family members in our school will be forgiving, because that is how we have been trained. Two cardinal values in our school are wisdom and compassion. It is wise and compassionate to be forgiving.
Although forgiving betrayals in our school forms the majority, it is a rare minority in general. As mentioned earlier, very few people in societies will forgive betrayals, almost all will be angry, and almost none will be indifferent.
Why is it wise and compassionate to forgive? Leaving aside fine points of Cosmic occurrences which actually happen, betrayers may not know whether victims forgive them, but the victims will harm themselves if their response is bad, will be indifferent if their response is indifferent, and will be good if their response is good. It is wise to be good, foolish to harm themselves, and mediocre to be indifferent.
How do victims harm themselves if their response is bad, if they are angry or want to take revenge against betrayals? The negative energy resulting from their bad response will clock up their natural energy network and bring about illness. In fact, in my many years of chi kung healing, I have discovered that a lot of so-called incurable diseases are due to blocked emotions. Even if the victims are not clinically sick, the energy blockage will affect many aspects of their daily life. Obviously, it is unwise to be sick or to have poor results in daily life..
When a victim is angry, wants to take revenge or has any manifestations of a bad response to a betrayal, he (or she) not only negates compassion but actively approaches cruelty. It is not just subjective, i.e. cruel people may argue that to be cruel is better than to be compassionate, but cruelty brings harm as it causes energy blockage. Obviously, it is foolish to cause harm to himself.
On the other hand, leaving aside altruism which we believe in and value highly, wisdom and compassion bring benefits. Indeed, many people have kindly commented that I am wise and compassionate. I owe these desirable qualities to being forgiving.
(Part 2 follows)
WOULD YOU CONSIDER GRATITUDE A VERY IMPORTANT ATTITUDE?
(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/ans16b/nov16-2.html)
Question 4
Would you consider gratitude a very important attitude?
– Sifu Sippe Douma, New Zealand
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Yes, it is a very important attitude, more important and more influential than what many people think. It is also an attitude we cultivate and cherish in our school, and the evidence of its benefits can be clearly found if we examine closely.
I have led a very happy life, and I sincerely believe one very important reason is that I am always grateful. I am very grateful to all the divine beings who are so very kind to guide and protect me, my family and our school. I am very grateful to all my teachers who passed the wonderful arts to us. I am very grateful to all my students who have shown much dedication in their practice and have shown much respect and care for me. I am very grateful to you for taking time off work to show me beautiful New Zealand and for paying almost all my meals.
On the other hand, those who are ungrateful suffered the bad karma of their ungratefulness, though some may never realise it. It is helpful to remember that there is nothing religious or superstitious about karma. It means cause and effect.
The effect is immediate. When a person is ungrateful, he has resentment. The person he should be grateful to may not know it, but his resentment immediately makes him less peaceful and less happy than what he should be. Severe or prolonged resentment brings forth physical or emotional illness.
When a person is grateful, the immediate effect is that he is appreciative, resulting in his feeling more peaceful and happier than other times. It contributes to his good health and longevity. In the history of our school, I came across some people who were ungrateful, and they did not have good karma. Here is one example. A woman had cancer, but after learning chi kung from me, she recovered. Besides taking my regional course, she also took a special course from me, for which I charged her only US$1000 instead of the usual US$5000 for a personalised course. I also transmitted chi to her from a great distance for free to help her to recover. But she paid me 1000 Canadian dollars instead of 1000 US dollars, despite the organizer telling her and she knowing it beforehand.
Later her cancer relapsed. She phoned me asking whether I could continue to transmit chi to her. I replied that I would consider. Had she asked me again I would continue to transmit chi to her for free, despite her breaking her promise and showing ingratitude. But she did not ask again. Her breaking her promise of not paying the agreed sum might have affected her thinking. I later learned from the organiser that she died from cancer.
THE MEANING OF LIFE WITH GRANDMASTER WONG KIEW KIT
(reproduced from shaolin.org)
Nicolae Tanase reports on the Meaning and Excellence of Life. Please click here to read the article.
HOW TO TRAP A GOOD HUSBAND AND BE A GOOD WIFE
(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/sp-issues/good-wife.html)
Grandmaster Wong and his wife
A clever woman traps her man by yielding, then turns the table around and leads him by his nose.
— Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Question
Searching for some guidance, I was recently reading one of your Question & Answers pages: http://www.shaolin.org/answers/ans01a/jan01-1.html I truly respect and admire you greatly and am so very, very grateful for your teachings. I am now 31. I have never been licentious or promiscuous, nor entered into a relationship without sincerity, but neither have I found the right man for me.
I loved the advice you wrote to Kevin from the USA (in above Q&A link) about being a good husband and father and so I respectfully and open-heartedly ask:
What do you feel are the qualities of a good wife? What do you believe I should be looking for in a future husband?
— Flora, Spain
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Finding a good husband is a very important question any young unmarried woman should consider carefully. Being a happy wife and mother fulfills a deep biological as well as spiritual need. Unfortunately, judging from the number of unsuccessful marriages nowadays, young women have not done this effectively.
I am glad you are a step ahead. Not only you want to find a good husband, you want to be a good wife. This shows not only your maturity of thoughts but also your determination and dedication in realizing your goals. Many women just want to have good husbands, but they never consider how to become good wives. This is a big mistake. They defeat their purpose even before starting their journey. Hence, it may be more fruitful to consider how to become a good wife first, then set out to find a good husband.
Whether you are a good wife should be considered not from your perspective, not from the perspective of other people, but from your husband’s perspective. This is a vital point many wives fail to realize. They usually think of themselves as good wives, but their husbands do not.
What do you think a husband want in his wife? The answer below may surprise many women, but it is formed from actually asking eligible bachelors.
First of all he wants his wife to be attractive. As you are a beautiful woman, this won’t be a problem, but you should make a point to be more attractive to him after marriage than before. Some women make a big mistake by taking their husbands for granted. After they have attracted their husbands into marriage, they neglect their shape and appearance, forfeiting the very factor that attracted their husbands in the first place.
A woman is attractive when she is feminine. A husband does not want his wife to tower over him in intellectual abilities or worse in physical strength. He does not want his wife to argue with him over every issue or dominate him in every decision. He prefers his wife to yield rather than to assert. Surprisingly, qualities like being loving and kind, which are of course important, take second place!
Some followers of women’s liberation may vehemently protest, accusing such attitude as male chauvinism. This, I believe, is a main reason why so many eligible women could not get husbands, and also why many men choose to stay out of marriage. I asked some eligible bachelors why they were not married. Can you guest what they told me? They said they were scared! They were scared of women disputing every decision they made, or arguing over every opinion they offered.
For example, when a man suggests going to restaurant A for dinner, a modern, “liberated” woman would say, “No, let us go to restaurant B.” When he says listening to sentimental music is romantic, she would say, “No, it is boring”, and proceed to give countless reasons why she thinks so. She wins her argument but loses her man.
A clever woman traps her man by yielding, then turns the table around and leads him by his nose. This is classic Taijiquan principle in combat.
When her man suggests going to restaurant A for dinner, the clever woman would not say no. She would say something as follows. “Oh yes, you always have good suggestions. This is one of the many good things I like about you.” Then when they are starting their journey to restaurant A, she would say something like this. “I heard that restaurant B served delicious duck. I love delicious duck. It makes my mouth water. Won’t you take me to restaurant B, please?” She would say with such sweetness that even when her man knows he is falling into a trap, he would blissfully let himself fall into it.
The “Four Preparations” and the “Three Arrivals” we use in our combat application are as effective in defeating an opponent as in winning a husband. First you prepare yourself by being attractive and feminine as well as kind and loving. Next you access your hero (or victim), picking him from a few eligible choices. Then you look out for an opening. If it is not presently available, you create one yourself. When the opportunity arises, you move in swiftly and claim your prize.
In moving in, you need to have the “Three Arrivals”, i.e. the arrivals of the heart, the feet and the hand. First, you must have a clear idea of what you would do when you meet your man. Next, you must place and time your attack correctly. Finally, you must connect and capture, not hit and run.
As you are going to choose a husband whom you will happily share your life with, and not an escort for a dance, it is of course necessary to plan and choose carefully.
Happily married. Do you know who the happy husband and the happy wife are?
What qualities you would like to have in your husband? Obviously he must be loving and responsible, besides other personal preferences like how he looks, the job he has, his family background as well as his philosophy towards life.
Having decided on what type of man you want as a bushand, let us see how you can apply the “Four Preparations” and the “Three Arrivals” to trap your man — instead of just passively waiting for him to appear.
Suppose you have found a man whom you think could be a prospective candidate as your husband. If you already know him, that will save much effort, otherwise get someone to introduce you to him or introduce yourself in a seemingly unexpected way.
For example, you know he frequents a particular restaurant at a particular time for lunch. You have to dress attractively and look out for a good opening at the restaurant. If he is looking for a seat, you could tell him in a friendly way that the seat besides you is empty and invite him to sit down.
Of course you do not just let him sit down. You have to engage him in conversation to find out his interests and other information so that you have material for your next attack. You have to let him talk and you listen with interest but asking appropriate questions to gather information.
Some openings are as follows. “Wow! you seem to enjoy your food a lot. Can you tell me the secret of your good apetite?” Or, “You don’t seem to enjoy your food. I have an excellent way to increase apetite. Would you like to learn it?” Then proceed to teach him a chi kung exercise.
After a few meetings, you should start to date him. But of course you will plan in such a way that it appears he dates you. Ask him if he is free the coming weekend. Say that you would like to visit so and so or such and such a place but are concerned to go alone. Ask him to accompany you.
After you have trapped him, you should suggest he marries you. Of course you don’t say, “Marry me!” You may say something like, “It is wonderful to be married and to share life and happiness together. My sifu is so happily married, so are my sisooks and sipaks, as well as sigung.” Then lead him to marriage by the nose, with a lot of beautiful flowers along the way.
You should set a time-target. The whole programme from first meeting to happy marriage should be completed within a year. It is unfair but true that women can’t afford to wait, whereas men can. This happy-marriage strategy should work out well, but in the unlikehood that it doesn’t, repeat the strategy with the next prospective candidate.
Here are a few important principles to follow.
Marriage is a win-win contract. You must really love the man you try your strategy on, and sincerely want to he a very good wife to him.
In your relationship with him, don’t give in but tempt him. Play a cat and mouse game. When he advances, you retreat temptingly, even sexily. When he is tired of chasing, tempt and tease him. On your marriage day (or night), surrender yourself blissfully.
The happiness of marriage starts on the first day of marriage. Make each suceeding day a better one than the previous. Once a while there may be disagreement or even querrals, which add some spice to marriage and which should be patched up quickly, but on the whole your life together should be a continuous progress.
LINKS
Reproduced from Questions 1 in Selection of Questions and Answers — September 2006 Part 3
KUNGFU FORMS, KICK-BOXING AND CHI KUNG
(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/sp-issues/kungfu-kickboxing.html)
All kungfu forms, including those that seem flowery like the one above demonstrated by Grandmaster Wong, can be used in combat
Question
I am a member of a Shaolin kung fu association. In freestyle sparring we use general kick boxing techniques. So I find it difficult to learn the applications of my forms. How can I improve my knowledge of my forms and do I have to be an advanced student to learn chi kung?
— Gregory. UK
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Yours is a common example of most kungfu students today. You cannot spar using the forms you have learnt in solo practice simply because you have never been taught to do so. Why didn’t your instructors teach you how to use kungfu patterns to spar? Because they themselves did not know. Like you, their kungfu training consists mainly, or sololy, of performing forms.
If you want to know how to use your kungfu forms to spar, you have to learn from a master who teaches using kungfu forms to spar. Such masters are very rare nowadays. If you learn from someone who teaches only solo form performance, you will only know solo form performance.
Anyone suggesting to you that by learning the solo kungfu forms you can effectively spar, is like telling you that by going over the mechanics of driving in a stationary car you can effectively drive through a busy street.
When you attempt sparring you will fall back on kickboxing techniques, because these techniques are the most “natural” to someone not trainied in “artificial” sparring. Using kungfu forms to spar is “artificial”. For example, to someone not trained in any martial arts, when an assailent punches him, it would be “natural” for him to block as in boxing or kickboxing. It would be very “artificial” for him to lower into a False-Leg Stance and swerve his arm in an arc in a tiger-claw form. “Artificial” means “made by man”. All kungfu forms are man-made. But a kungfu practitioner practises and practises these man-made forms until they have become second-nature to him.
You can improve your knowledge of your forms or any aspects of kungfu by reading about them. But kungfu is not knowledge; it is a practical art. Here is where you and many other people, especially in the West, make the big mistake. You may be very knowledgeable in kungfu, and may also win trophies in demonstrative competitions, but if you have no practical experience in methodical sparriang, when you spar with Taekwondo or Karate brownbelts, you would become a sitting duck. This is the sad situation of more than 80 percent of people all over the world who think they learn kungfu, when actually what they have been learning is just some demonstrative forms.
If you learn real kungfu, you will practise chi kung right at the start. Chi kung is the art of managing energy. How can any martial art be effective if there is no provision for energy management? Here, of course, I am using the terms “kungfu” and “chi kung” as they were originally used in the past. Their modern sterotyped meanings have changed drastically. In the modern context, “kungfu” and “chi kung”, which are more of gymnastics and dance than martial arts and energy management, are usually taught separately. In such a situation, it does not matter when, or if ever, you learn chi kung.
