(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/sp-issues/sex.html)
Different people manifested different movements in spontaneous qi flow in Sifu Wong’s class in Gutenstein, Austria. On the far right is Master Sylesvester Lohinnger, Sifu Wong’s senior student
I have been told that one must abstain from sex for 100 days upon pratcising qiqong. Is this true? If so, what is the reason?
— John, Malaysia — January 2000
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
The answer to whether one should abstain from sex for 100 days upon practising qigong is “yes” and “no”, depending on numerous variables.
In the past students abstained from sex for at least 100 days upon practising qigong. Although it was not an absolute condition — in the sense that if the condition was not fulfilled one could not practise qigong, or that he could harm himself — this was highly recommended. Some masters might made it their requirement for their students. After the 100 days, students could revert back to their normal sex life.
The 100 days constitued the foundation period whereby sufficient energy could be acquired and stored at the abdominal dan tian (or energy field). Without this foundation — like the starting capital of a busniss venture — it would be difficult to have satisfactory result. In the past, learning chi kung from a master was a rare opportunity, so students generally chose abstinence from sex to missing a rare opportunity.
What happened if a student had sex during the 100 days? Unless he had sex extravagantly, it usually did not cause any harm, but his progress would not be as good as his classmates. By the end of the 100 days when the master checked their progress, this sex-satisfied student would be found wanting. As he might not have the required amount of energy stored for the next stage of training, he might be left out, either wittingly by his master for not fulfilling a requirement or by his own inability to keep up even though the master might teach him the new techniques.
Today, conditions and needs are different. Because of changing standards, what was considered “satisfactory result” in the past will now be remarkable result. Because of changing needs, most chi kung practitioners today do not actually need remarkable result. In the past, overcoming pain and illness was not even a need amongst those who had the rare opportunity to practise chi kung, because they were already healthy and fit. What they needed would be sufficient energy to spar comfortably for an hour or two, or make a hole in a wall with just one strike. This would be satisfactory result in the past.
Hence, when students ask me whether they should abstain from sex, even at the start of their chi kung training, I tell them it is not necessary — unless they aim for remarkable result, or on the other hand they are very sick to start with. As students today need satisfactory result like overcoming pain and illness, or vitality to enjoy their daily work and play — and not remarkable result like striking a hole in a wall — they can achieve their objective even with normal sex during their chi kung training period.
Without sex, they would acheve their objective faster, but the improvement is relately marginal and it is unnecessary to make the sacrifice of abstinence from sex. For example, with abstinence, one may overcome his diabetes or ulcers in six months, but with sexual enjoyment added in, he may need nine months.
While the remarkable result of chi kung is wonderful, we must also remember other importnat aspects of daily living. If abstinence from sex disrupts family life, or makes a person aggressive due to his pent-up sexual energy which will surely increase as a result of his chi kung training, chi kung would then be a detrimental rather than a rewarding experience.
Reproduced from Question 2 in Selection of Questions and Answers — January 2000 Part 2
(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/sp-issues/good-wife.html)
Grandmaster Wong and his wife
A clever woman traps her man by yielding, then turns the table around and leads him by his nose.
— Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Searching for some guidance, I was recently reading one of your Question & Answers pages: http://www.shaolin.org/answers/ans01a/jan01-1.html I truly respect and admire you greatly and am so very, very grateful for your teachings. I am now 31. I have never been licentious or promiscuous, nor entered into a relationship without sincerity, but neither have I found the right man for me.
I loved the advice you wrote to Kevin from the USA (in above Q&A link) about being a good husband and father and so I respectfully and open-heartedly ask:
What do you feel are the qualities of a good wife? What do you believe I should be looking for in a future husband?
— Flora, Spain
Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit
Finding a good husband is a very important question any young unmarried woman should consider carefully. Being a happy wife and mother fulfills a deep biological as well as spiritual need. Unfortunately, judging from the number of unsuccessful marriages nowadays, young women have not done this effectively.
I am glad you are a step ahead. Not only you want to find a good husband, you want to be a good wife. This shows not only your maturity of thoughts but also your determination and dedication in realizing your goals. Many women just want to have good husbands, but they never consider how to become good wives. This is a big mistake. They defeat their purpose even before starting their journey. Hence, it may be more fruitful to consider how to become a good wife first, then set out to find a good husband.
Whether you are a good wife should be considered not from your perspective, not from the perspective of other people, but from your husband’s perspective. This is a vital point many wives fail to realize. They usually think of themselves as good wives, but their husbands do not.
What do you think a husband want in his wife? The answer below may surprise many women, but it is formed from actually asking eligible bachelors.
First of all he wants his wife to be attractive. As you are a beautiful woman, this won’t be a problem, but you should make a point to be more attractive to him after marriage than before. Some women make a big mistake by taking their husbands for granted. After they have attracted their husbands into marriage, they neglect their shape and appearance, forfeiting the very factor that attracted their husbands in the first place.
A woman is attractive when she is feminine. A husband does not want his wife to tower over him in intellectual abilities or worse in physical strength. He does not want his wife to argue with him over every issue or dominate him in every decision. He prefers his wife to yield rather than to assert. Surprisingly, qualities like being loving and kind, which are of course important, take second place!
Some followers of women’s liberation may vehemently protest, accusing such attitude as male chauvinism. This, I believe, is a main reason why so many eligible women could not get husbands, and also why many men choose to stay out of marriage. I asked some eligible bachelors why they were not married. Can you guest what they told me? They said they were scared! They were scared of women disputing every decision they made, or arguing over every opinion they offered.
For example, when a man suggests going to restaurant A for dinner, a modern, “liberated” woman would say, “No, let us go to restaurant B.” When he says listening to sentimental music is romantic, she would say, “No, it is boring”, and proceed to give countless reasons why she thinks so. She wins her argument but loses her man.
A clever woman traps her man by yielding, then turns the table around and leads him by his nose. This is classic Taijiquan principle in combat.
When her man suggests going to restaurant A for dinner, the clever woman would not say no. She would say something as follows. “Oh yes, you always have good suggestions. This is one of the many good things I like about you.” Then when they are starting their journey to restaurant A, she would say something like this. “I heard that restaurant B served delicious duck. I love delicious duck. It makes my mouth water. Won’t you take me to restaurant B, please?” She would say with such sweetness that even when her man knows he is falling into a trap, he would blissfully let himself fall into it.
The “Four Preparations” and the “Three Arrivals” we use in our combat application are as effective in defeating an opponent as in winning a husband. First you prepare yourself by being attractive and feminine as well as kind and loving. Next you access your hero (or victim), picking him from a few eligible choices. Then you look out for an opening. If it is not presently available, you create one yourself. When the opportunity arises, you move in swiftly and claim your prize.
In moving in, you need to have the “Three Arrivals”, i.e. the arrivals of the heart, the feet and the hand. First, you must have a clear idea of what you would do when you meet your man. Next, you must place and time your attack correctly. Finally, you must connect and capture, not hit and run.
As you are going to choose a husband whom you will happily share your life with, and not an escort for a dance, it is of course necessary to plan and choose carefully.