Category Archives: Ten Shaolin Laws

Dealing with Betrayal – Happy Family Life Question and Answer 10 – Part 1

reproduced from https://www.wongkiewkit.com/forum/showthread.php?12571-10-Questions-on-Happy-Family-Life.

This thread is facilitated by Ollie from our Shaolin Nordic family. Thank you, Ollie!

Happy Family Life Question and Answer 10 — Part 1

 

 Question 10 by Karol

How to deal with betrayal?

It happens sometimes even in good, long term relationships, and causes a lot of pain.

Is it wise to keep it going in reason of children?

Karol


Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit

There are different types of betrayals. Betrayals can be between friends, between husband and wife, between father and son, and between master and student.

Although there are different types of betrayals, dealing with betrayals can be the same, but different people may deal with the different types of betrayals differently. In other words, three persons, A, B and C, may have three different ways of dealing with betrayals between friends, between husband and wife, between father and son, and between master and student, but each of the three persons will deal with the different types of betrayals the same way.

A may forgive his friend, forgive his wife (or husband), forgive his son (or father), and forgive his student (or master). B may be indifferent at his friend, indifferent at his wife, indifferent at his son, and indifferent at his student. C may be angry at his friend, angry at his wife, angry at his son, and angry at his student.

To be forgiving, indifferent and angry represents three typical responses to a situation, which are good, average and bad. In real life, when betrayed, very few will be forgiving, almost none will be indifferent, and almost all will be angry. Some may want to take revenge, and a few, if not angry, will be sad.

But I have classified the responses into three categories because they are the usual responses to situations. In some situation, such as health and attitude towards chi kung, most people will be indifferent, some good and some bad.

Whether one’s response to betrayals is good, average or bad depends much on his philosophy of life. Most family members in our school will be forgiving, because that is how we have been trained. Two cardinal values in our school are wisdom and compassion. It is wise and compassionate to be forgiving.

Although forgiving betrayals in our school forms the majority, it is a rare minority in general. As mentioned earlier, very few people in societies will forgive betrayals, almost all will be angry, and almost none will be indifferent.

Why is it wise and compassionate to forgive? Leaving aside fine points of Cosmic occurrences which actually happen, betrayers may not know whether victims forgive them, but the victims will harm themselves if their response is bad, will be indifferent if their response is indifferent, and will be good if their response is good. It is wise to be good, foolish to harm themselves, and mediocre to be indifferent.

How do victims harm themselves if their response is bad, if they are angry or want to take revenge against betrayals? The negative energy resulting from their bad response will clock up their natural energy network and bring about illness. In fact, in my many years of chi kung healing, I have discovered that a lot of so-called incurable diseases are due to blocked emotions. Even if the victims are not clinically sick, the energy blockage will affect many aspects of their daily life. Obviously, it is unwise to be sick or to have poor results in daily life..

When a victim is angry, wants to take revenge or has any manifestations of a bad response to a betrayal, he (or she) not only negates compassion but actively approaches cruelty. It is not just subjective, i.e. cruel people may argue that to be cruel is better than to be compassionate, but cruelty brings harm as it causes energy blockage. Obviously, it is foolish to cause harm to himself.

On the other hand, leaving aside altruism which we believe in and value highly, wisdom and compassion bring benefits. Indeed, many people have kindly commented that I am wise and compassionate. I owe these desirable qualities to being forgiving.

(Part 2 follows)

Happy Family Life Question and Answer 9

reproduced from https://www.wongkiewkit.com/forum/showthread.php?12571-10-Questions-on-Happy-Family-Life.

This thread is facilitated by Ollie from our Shaolin Nordic family. Thank you, Ollie!

Happy Family Life Question and Answer 9

Question 9 by Sifu Markus Kahila

What advice might you give for successfully balancing work obligations and a fulfilling happy family life?

Parents with children all have the responsibility to provide for their families, but also to spend time with them and to establish a nurturing and a happy family life. However, for many people all over the world, just to provide for their family is a full-time job (or multiple jobs) which leave little time to their families.

So what advice would you give for a parent or parents whose time is mostly spent working just to make ends meet and to fulfill the basic requirement to provide for their families, leaving little or no time for actually spending time with them?

Sifu Markus Kahila

Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit

Enjoying a happy family life does not negate work obligations and does not take extra time. In fact, a happy family life will contribute to work obligations and making it happier to spend time for any thing.

As an analogy, we can take health. When a person is healthy, it does not negate his work obligations and does not take extra time. In fact,, if he is unhealthy, it will affect his work obligations negatively and it will take him extra time to get well.

In other words, the time with his family, without spending extra time, can make his family life happy, indifferent or sad. For example, when he interacts with his family, if he practices the five guidelines which I provided in another answer, which are 1. getting together regularly, 2. saying truthful things that his family members like to hear, 3. letting them live their own lives, 4. supporting them in times of difficulties, 5. encouraging them in words and deeds, he will have a happy life.

If he is indifferent to them, his family life will be mediocre. If he says things they don’t want to hear, or forces his views on them, family members will dislike him.

To have a happy family life, the person may not do all the five suggestions at the same time. At any one time, he may do only one suggestion, leaving the other suggestions for other times. Gradually he will find his family life become happy.

Nevertheless, as a happy family life contributes to effective work performance as well as joyful living, it may be worth his while to spend some time a day to cultivate my five suggestions – not necessarily all at the same time. In other words, by spending an extra 10 minutes to cultivate my suggestions, he will find that he will work less hours but produce better results, and he is happy more often than he is indifferent or sad in his daily life.

Of the five suggestions to have a happy family life, only the first suggestion takes some time. But even if a person does not spend time organizing for family get-togethers, he will waste his time elsewhere.

Hence, your statement that for many people all over the world just to provide for their family is a full-time job, is not valid. The fact that they provide for their family shows that they care for the family. If other things were equal, they are more likely to have a happy family life. Indeed, those who do not provide for their family, usually have a poor family life.

My advice for parents to have a happy family life, irrespective of whether they have little time or much time, is to practice the five suggestions mentioned above, namely have family get-together regularly, say truthful things that their family members like to hear, let them live their own lives, help them when they are in difficulties, and encourage them in words and deeds.

Providing for the family is important. Having a happy family life, and having good health are also important. One must set priorities correctly. If parents spend all their time just to provide for the family, and neglect their happy family life or neglect their health, they are unwise. Similarly it is also unwise to neglect providing for their family or neglect their health.

WE ARE NOW LIVING IN A GOLDEN AGE

(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/sp-issues/purifying.html)

Wong Wei Foong

The beautiful smile of our Shaolin Wahnam Secretary reflects the joy with which our Shaolin Wahnam Family members look at the world today, and the hope we have for the world in the future

Question

This question is a broad one and may not be responded to if it is considered superfluous. My question is simply what does Master Wong Kiew Kit see for the future of this entire planet and how does he think that his life and life for people in the future will be.

— Yaroslav, Canada

Answer by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit

Your questions are interesting and important for the future of humanity.

Our training has made me and those in our school very optimistic. Not only we wholesomely enjoy the present, we forgive the wrongs that others may have done to us in the past and look towards the future with hopes and aspirations. If we feel we have wronged ourselves, we forgive ourselves

It is not that we are irresponsible with our past, licentious with our present or uncaring with our future. In fact we hold high moral values, as guided by our Ten Shaolin Laws, and cultivate spiritually every time we train, and we train conscientiously every day.

The wonderful benefits that we get are not just extrinsic, due to verbal or written teaching. More significantly they are intrinsic, due to our dedicated training that results in a purification of our body, intellect and soul. It is pertinent to mention that these are no empty words. These words accurately describe the benefits our students are getting.

Many schools also say that their training purifies the body, intellect and soul. Even some schools teaching the most brutal form of martial art where students seem to take pride in causing hurt to their opponents or sparring partners also say that their training is spiritual. But an intelligent observation of the students’ results will tell whether the claims of the schools are true.

If the students become more unhealthy as a result of their training, then it is obviously not true that their training purifies the body. If the students do not even realize that they are not getting the benefits their arts are purported to give despite having trained for a long time, it is obvious their training does not purify their intellect.

If the students become more dull and depressed, it is obvious their training does not purify their soul. These conclusions are obvious, yet it is shocking that thousands of students all over the world are getting unhealthier and depressed as a result of their training, and are unaware of it.

How do we justify our claim that our training purifies the body, the intellect and the soul. After practicing for some time our students overcome their pain and illness and attain good health. This justifies our claim that our training purifies our body, as a pure body is naturally healthy. When the body is chocked with impurities, like toxic waste, viruses and locked emotions, it fails in its natural functions and become sick or in pain.

After practicing for some time our students have much mental clarity. They are clear about the aims and objectives of their training, and how well their training helps them to attain their aims and objectives. If you examine how and what they write in our Shaolin Wahnam Discussion Forum, their mental clarity is quite obvious. This justifies our claim that our training purifies the intellect, as a purified intellect results in mental clarity.

The writings of our students in our Discussion Forum also show that they are happy and peaceful with themselves and with other people. In fact, many of our students often expressed how grateful they are for having practiced our arts which make them find life and the world so beautiful. This shows that their practice has purified their soul, for a purified soul will find beauty in life and the world.

What has this explanation of purifying the body, intellect and soul to do with your question. It has everything to do with the question. Firstly, it explains how members of our Shaolin Wahnam Family and I look at the world now and in the future. We are grateful for the many good things in our world now. And we are confident that the world in future will be even better.

We are living in a golden age. Many people may be surprised at this statement. They think the golden age was a few hundred years ago. No, a few hundred years ago you didn’t even have electricity or tap water, things that we take for granted now but forget how important they are in making life comfortable. A few hundred years ago most people did not have a chance to go to school. Now you can assess amazing information via the internet at the tips of your fingers!

More significantly the above explanation will affect how you and many other people see our world in future — whether you will see it as a beautiful home or a doomed place where resources run out. This will become clear as I answer your other questions.

Grandmaster Wong and Sifu Riccardo

Despite over 60, Grandmaster Wong and Dr Riccardo Salvetore examplify good health, mental clarity and spirtual joy as a result of purifying body, intellect and soul

LINKS

Reproduced from Questions 1 in Selection of Questions and Answers September 2010 Part 1

Another of Yaroslav’a question is answered here

SELECTION OF QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS OCTOBER 2015 PART 2 BY GRANDMASTER WONG KIEW KIT

(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/ans15b/oct15-2.html)

Children and Grand Children

It is a joy to have children and grand-children

Question 1

I wish to thank you again for the wonderful teachings and deep impact you had on me and my emotional health at the Valentine’s Course in Ireland only a few months ago.. I was lucky enough to make a lot of progress during the past few years, especially in 2014. I did leave my job after you sent me the kind message and I am now working for a different and absolutely incredible new employer. I feel very blessed and grateful.

Nevertheless, there is an issue about women equality that has bothered me more than ever this year and that I feel is a major blockage.

Sigung, you are always very kind, generous and most important of all, objective and fair. I am also aware that there are still some cultural differences that make me so torn and conflicted about accepting some of your comments about women and marriage.

Whenever I think of finding a husband or having children, my thoughts and optimism grind to a halt. It wasn’t always like that, but my experiences in my professional life as well as in Shaolin Wahnam have somewhat disheartened me, so holding onto optimism and hope is difficult when thinking about marriage and children.

— Fabienne, Switzerland

Answer

I am very happy about your progress though it is expected as you are a very good student. With mental clarity you could easily see that your previous job was unsuitable for you. With courage from internal force, you were not afraid to leave a job that you did not like to look for another one. Mental clarity and internal force are developed in the training you practice in our school.

It is useful to understand more deeply the term “women equality”. To me, women equality means that women are not inferior to men, but it does not mean that they should be treated as if they were men.

For example, a woman can be as efficient as a man in her job as a manager, but in work where physical strength is required, like carrying heavy luggage, she should not be treated the same as a man. Let her husband or boyfriend do the job.

How the concept of women equality is interpreted in martial arts is interesting. Many Karate and Taekwondo masters boast that they want their female students to fight like men. “If a man throws a punch of 200 pound at you,” they tell their female students, “block it with 200 pounds.”

Our interpretation is different. We don’t want our female students to fight like men; they should fight as women — without losing their feminine charms. They are not men, but can be as combat efficient as men. They can, for example, deflect the powerful punch with minimum force, and elegantly drive a phoenix-eye fist into a male attacker’s ribs.

It is precisely failing to appreciate the deeper significance of women equality that brings suffering to both men and women. Many men have told me that they are afraid to be married for fear that their wives might quarrel with them like men. Many women like to be women, but are forced by a mistaken concept of women equality to act like men.

Your problem of being disheartened about marriage and children may be due to a mistaken concept of women equality, wrongly thinking that when you are married you have to be a husband instead of being a wife, and to be a father instead of being a mother. Such a mistaken concept will distort family roles and is unlikely to bring family happiness. You are likely to have family happiness when you let your husband be the husband of the family, and you remain to be the wife.

Question 2

I’m scared of being a loving wife and mother one day, because the kind of devotion you expect a woman to show towards her husband is not something many males nowadays are worthy of.

Sadly, not all men in Shaolin Wahnam are a shining example of honourable men one might think they are. I can speak as a female student who has had some unpleasant, non-consensual experiences. I heard some very demeaning things about myself and others. I didn’t want to list them at first, but I think I have to in order to make the situation clearer.

Answer

Your problem here is not being scared of becoming a loving wife and mother one day nor the kind of devotion expected of a woman toward her husband. Your problem is finding a husband worthy of your devotion.

There are two different approaches to train a school of honorable men and women.

One approach is to select people who are already honorable to train them. This will make the group exclusive.

Another approach is to open the school to those who want to be honorable, and train them.

Shaolin Wahnam employs the second approach. But we require that those who wish to be trained to be honorable must be deserving, like following the Ten Shaolin Laws.

Hence, it is understandable that there are some in our school who are still dishonorable. Either they have not successfully completed their training in our school, which means that in time they will be honorable, or they have failed in their training, which means they do not want to be honorable.

Comparing our school with other schools, we have done very well.

The examples you have listed will be commented on below.

Grandmaster Wong and Sifu Joan

Grandmaster Wong and Sifu Joan. Women equality does not mean women are the same as men. It means women are as capable as men.

Question 3

When a close Sije of mine went through a difficult time, I heard more than once that “She should find a strong man to have sex with her. She’ll calm down then.” That’s unacceptable!

I was propositioned for sex after a course. The man was ugly, ignorant and thought I’d sleep with him because “nobody else would find me attractive” due to my weight.

All these things stopped once I became more advanced and confident. They also disappeared because I aged and gained weight. But I wish to show that women are much more likely to be reduced to their beauty and features. Even in Buddhism, almost every description of female practitioners says something along the lines of “she was known for her beauty.”

This is so infuriating and unfair. It is a nice compliment when it comes from someone sincere and without ulterior motives, but I’m scared of being reduced to it in the future. But if I defend myself and talk to other people about this, I might be called a “feminist” and “attention seeker”. No man will approach me then, I’m sure.

Answer

Both asking a distressed woman to have sex to calm down, and asking a woman to have sex otherwise no one else would have sex with her were not only unacceptable, they were despicable. As mentioned earlier, there may still be dishonorable students in our school. Either they failed in the training to be honorable, or they do not want to he honorable.

They automatically eliminate themselves in any competition to be husbands of sensible women.

The insulting comments stopped because you had advanced in your kungfu training and had become more confident. The insulting males might be worried that you asked them to have free sparring instead.

You are still very young. With our training, you can remain young when you grow in chorological age. Our exercises can also help you to reduce weight. Exercises like “Drawing the Moon” and “Merry-Go-Round” are excellent. You have to practice these exercises regularly.

You should not feel infuriating or unfair when someone says you are or any woman is beautiful. I believe women, regardless of their age, will take it as a compliment.

There is no need to defend yourself when complimented to be beautiful. Accept the compliment graciously.

It is natural for women to want to be beautiful. She will indeed be very odd if a woman wants to be ugly, or tough and masculine like a man. This is what I mean by misconception of women equality. Women and men are equal but not the same. If a woman appears or behaves like a man, such as putting on man’s clothing or putting her legs on a table, most men I believe will find her ugly.

Question 4

I might adhere to what you called a “liberated” woman in a past article. But I don’t wish to oppress my husband with my intelligence, my wit or my knowledge. I don’t wish to confront and nag him unnecessarily, as you seem to think most “liberated” women are doing according to this article.

Truly liberated women are exactly that: liberated. They’re happy, independent and free to express themselves, not bitter and unpleasant and trying to oppose their partner at every step. I am truly sorry if you or other men have had unpleasant experiences with these kinds of women. I do not identify with these women.

Answer

A liberated woman can be feminine and gentle. She needs not act or behave like a man.

Oppressing her husband with her intelligence, wit or knowledge, and confronting and nagging him unnecessarily is not a matter of being liberated; it is a matter of being unwise.

You are mistaken that I think liberated women tend to oppress their husbands, nag or confront them unnecessarily. I advise that women, regardless of whether they are liberated or not, should not do such things. If they do, they may win arguments but lose their men.

Liberated women are independent and free to express themselves. But they are not necessarily happy, not bitter, unpleasant and trying to oppose their partners at every step. In other words, liberated women can be happy or depressed, sweet or bitter, pleasant or unpleasant, oppose their partners at every step or not at all. Being liberated or not liberated, and being happy, sweet, pleasant, opposing or otherwise are different issues.

Liberated women who are wise will be sweet, pleasant and accommodating to their husbands or partners, and as a result they are happy. Unwise liberated women will do the reverse and be depressed.

Editorial Note

Fabienne’s other questions can be found at Questions-Answers October 2015 Part 3 and Questions-Answers November 2015 Part 1.

women equality

A woman can be very combat efficient and still retains her femininity

Question 5

I don’t have any illness or problems. Is it necessary for me to practice Cosmic Breathing?

— Belinda, Germany

Answer

It is not necessary but it is very beneficial. In fact it is not necessary to practice chi kung, yet a person can live, but practicing chi kung will bring a lot of benefits. As an analogy, you don’t need to buy a car, but a car is certainly very useful. You can walk from Germany to France, or even cross the sea to reach England hugging a log — if you survive the journey. The Polynesian people, for example, crossed the Pacific before cars and ships were invented. But if you can afford it, having a car is very beneficial.

As you have successfully learned the skills and techniques of Cosmic Breathing, make full use of its benefits even when it is not necessary to practice it to carry on living.

When your boyfriend takes you to a date and you are tired, for example, practicing Cosmic Breathing for just about 5 minutes will energize you. When you study for an examination, and your mind just cannot take in any more knowledge, go for a short walk and practice Cosmic Breathing for about 5 minutes. You will be mentally fresh and study more effectively. When you want to play some games, practicing Cosmic Breathing for just 5 minutes will give you better mental focus and more energy for better performance.

Question 6

Can I combine Cosmic Breathing with Eighteen Lohan Hands?

Answer

Yes, you can. You can also combine with other chi kung exercises.

But it is not necessary because Cosmic Breathing is already very powerful by itself. Combining it with other exercises will dilute its power. But for fun or variety, you can combine Cosmic Breathing with any other exercises.

As an analogy, you already earn a lot of money working as a doctor. You are also good at cooking and gardening. Can you combine being a doctor with being a cook and a gardener? You can, but it is not necessary because working as a doctor alone will bring you more incomre than combining your job with cooking and gardening. But for fun or other appropriate reasons, you may combine being a doctor with cooking and gardening.

Mexican Pyramid

An Intensive Chi Kung Course in Penang in 2012

Question 7

I’ve been practicing chi-kung for some time, self learning out of necessity since there is no chi-kung master in my place. I’ve been learning from books, articles and videos, and I have received large benefits from my practice.

May be one of Sifu Wong’s advanced students may come to teach us. I would like to become a healer, though I need to learn first hand from a master.

Mexico is a country with a lot of problems, including very low wages. There are hardly people who can afford the fees of Master Wong Kiew Kit. But I know there should be a way I may learn form the master.

— Francisco, Mexico

Answer

I taught in Mexico a few years ago. It was a large class of about 100 students, and each paid about 1000 euros for my courses.

You are right to say than one must be a good chi kung student before he thinks of becoming a chi kung healer.

You are also right to say that if you wish to learn from me, there is a way. I would recommend that you attend my Intensive Chi Kung Course. You will find the chi kung practiced in our school, Shaolin Wahnam, very different from what you have learned from books, articles and videos, and also very different from the chi kung practiced in most other schools.

Editorial Note :

Francisco’s immediate reply:

“Thanks for your answer, I am going to travel to Malaysia to learn at your school. I don’t know when, but I will be there. When I’m ready I’ll check courses and details.”

Grandmaster Wong’s response:

I am very glad of your prompt and right decision. You will certainly find the Intensive Chi Kung Course worth many times your effort to learn it.

Apply the same principle, “When there is a will, there is a way”, to all worthy tasks, and you will soon find that your life will be richer and happier by manifold. A worthy task is one that is honorable and brings benefit to yourself or others or both.

Question 8

Sifu Wong mentioned that one should not masturbate too often. How often is too often? Is once a day too much?

— Jussi, USA

Answer

It depends on the age and vitality of the person who wants to masturbate.

The following verse in Chinese (Cantonese) would be a useful guideline:

Ye sap lien lien
Sam sap thien thien

Translated into English it is as follows.

At twenty, continuously
At thirty, every day

It means that at twenty of age a person, male, can have sex continuously, provided, of course, he has a willing partner who preferably enjoys it too. At thirty of age he can have sex everyday.

As masturbation consumes a similar amount of energy as having sex, perhaps with less pleasure and often with a tincture of frustration, a person who wishes to masturbate may use this verse as a guideline, provided he has vitality. If he lacks vitality, masturbating once a week is too much.

It should be note that the above verse is meant to show a person’s vitality in relation to sex, not to show his necessity or even desirability. In other words if a male youth of twenty can have sex continuously, it shows he has vitality. It is not necessary or desirable that he does it.

How does one know whether he has sufficient vitality to perform his chosen task, regardless of whether it is masturbation or meditation? It is simple. If he is twenty and can satisfactorily masturbate or meditate continuously, he has the vitality to accomplish his task, otherwise he lacks the vitality, in which case it is only wise of him to masturbate or meditate less or none at all even when he wants more.

A sure way to have vitality is to practice genuine, high-level chi kung. Nevertheless, when a person, old or young, male or female, has acquired a lot of vitality, he or she will find masturbation uninteresting. That person will find other activities more rewarding.



If you have any questions, please e-mail them to Grandmaster Wong via his Secretary at secretary@shaolin.org stating your name, country and e-mail address.