(reproduced from http://shaolin.org/answers/ans15b/oct15-2.html)
It is a joy to have children and grand-children
I wish to thank you again for the wonderful teachings and deep impact you had on me and my emotional health at the Valentine’s Course in Ireland only a few months ago.. I was lucky enough to make a lot of progress during the past few years, especially in 2014. I did leave my job after you sent me the kind message and I am now working for a different and absolutely incredible new employer. I feel very blessed and grateful.
Nevertheless, there is an issue about women equality that has bothered me more than ever this year and that I feel is a major blockage.
Sigung, you are always very kind, generous and most important of all, objective and fair. I am also aware that there are still some cultural differences that make me so torn and conflicted about accepting some of your comments about women and marriage.
Whenever I think of finding a husband or having children, my thoughts and optimism grind to a halt. It wasn’t always like that, but my experiences in my professional life as well as in Shaolin Wahnam have somewhat disheartened me, so holding onto optimism and hope is difficult when thinking about marriage and children.
— Fabienne, Switzerland
I am very happy about your progress though it is expected as you are a very good student. With mental clarity you could easily see that your previous job was unsuitable for you. With courage from internal force, you were not afraid to leave a job that you did not like to look for another one. Mental clarity and internal force are developed in the training you practice in our school.
It is useful to understand more deeply the term “women equality”. To me, women equality means that women are not inferior to men, but it does not mean that they should be treated as if they were men.
For example, a woman can be as efficient as a man in her job as a manager, but in work where physical strength is required, like carrying heavy luggage, she should not be treated the same as a man. Let her husband or boyfriend do the job.
How the concept of women equality is interpreted in martial arts is interesting. Many Karate and Taekwondo masters boast that they want their female students to fight like men. “If a man throws a punch of 200 pound at you,” they tell their female students, “block it with 200 pounds.”
Our interpretation is different. We don’t want our female students to fight like men; they should fight as women — without losing their feminine charms. They are not men, but can be as combat efficient as men. They can, for example, deflect the powerful punch with minimum force, and elegantly drive a phoenix-eye fist into a male attacker’s ribs.
It is precisely failing to appreciate the deeper significance of women equality that brings suffering to both men and women. Many men have told me that they are afraid to be married for fear that their wives might quarrel with them like men. Many women like to be women, but are forced by a mistaken concept of women equality to act like men.
Your problem of being disheartened about marriage and children may be due to a mistaken concept of women equality, wrongly thinking that when you are married you have to be a husband instead of being a wife, and to be a father instead of being a mother. Such a mistaken concept will distort family roles and is unlikely to bring family happiness. You are likely to have family happiness when you let your husband be the husband of the family, and you remain to be the wife.
I’m scared of being a loving wife and mother one day, because the kind of devotion you expect a woman to show towards her husband is not something many males nowadays are worthy of.
Sadly, not all men in Shaolin Wahnam are a shining example of honourable men one might think they are. I can speak as a female student who has had some unpleasant, non-consensual experiences. I heard some very demeaning things about myself and others. I didn’t want to list them at first, but I think I have to in order to make the situation clearer.
Your problem here is not being scared of becoming a loving wife and mother one day nor the kind of devotion expected of a woman toward her husband. Your problem is finding a husband worthy of your devotion.
There are two different approaches to train a school of honorable men and women.
One approach is to select people who are already honorable to train them. This will make the group exclusive.
Another approach is to open the school to those who want to be honorable, and train them.
Shaolin Wahnam employs the second approach. But we require that those who wish to be trained to be honorable must be deserving, like following the Ten Shaolin Laws.
Hence, it is understandable that there are some in our school who are still dishonorable. Either they have not successfully completed their training in our school, which means that in time they will be honorable, or they have failed in their training, which means they do not want to be honorable.
Comparing our school with other schools, we have done very well.
The examples you have listed will be commented on below.
Grandmaster Wong and Sifu Joan. Women equality does not mean women are the same as men. It means women are as capable as men.
When a close Sije of mine went through a difficult time, I heard more than once that “She should find a strong man to have sex with her. She’ll calm down then.” That’s unacceptable!
I was propositioned for sex after a course. The man was ugly, ignorant and thought I’d sleep with him because “nobody else would find me attractive” due to my weight.
All these things stopped once I became more advanced and confident. They also disappeared because I aged and gained weight. But I wish to show that women are much more likely to be reduced to their beauty and features. Even in Buddhism, almost every description of female practitioners says something along the lines of “she was known for her beauty.”
This is so infuriating and unfair. It is a nice compliment when it comes from someone sincere and without ulterior motives, but I’m scared of being reduced to it in the future. But if I defend myself and talk to other people about this, I might be called a “feminist” and “attention seeker”. No man will approach me then, I’m sure.
Both asking a distressed woman to have sex to calm down, and asking a woman to have sex otherwise no one else would have sex with her were not only unacceptable, they were despicable. As mentioned earlier, there may still be dishonorable students in our school. Either they failed in the training to be honorable, or they do not want to he honorable.
They automatically eliminate themselves in any competition to be husbands of sensible women.
The insulting comments stopped because you had advanced in your kungfu training and had become more confident. The insulting males might be worried that you asked them to have free sparring instead.
You are still very young. With our training, you can remain young when you grow in chorological age. Our exercises can also help you to reduce weight. Exercises like “Drawing the Moon” and “Merry-Go-Round” are excellent. You have to practice these exercises regularly.
You should not feel infuriating or unfair when someone says you are or any woman is beautiful. I believe women, regardless of their age, will take it as a compliment.
There is no need to defend yourself when complimented to be beautiful. Accept the compliment graciously.
It is natural for women to want to be beautiful. She will indeed be very odd if a woman wants to be ugly, or tough and masculine like a man. This is what I mean by misconception of women equality. Women and men are equal but not the same. If a woman appears or behaves like a man, such as putting on man’s clothing or putting her legs on a table, most men I believe will find her ugly.
I might adhere to what you called a “liberated” woman in a past article. But I don’t wish to oppress my husband with my intelligence, my wit or my knowledge. I don’t wish to confront and nag him unnecessarily, as you seem to think most “liberated” women are doing according to this article.
Truly liberated women are exactly that: liberated. They’re happy, independent and free to express themselves, not bitter and unpleasant and trying to oppose their partner at every step. I am truly sorry if you or other men have had unpleasant experiences with these kinds of women. I do not identify with these women.
A liberated woman can be feminine and gentle. She needs not act or behave like a man.
Oppressing her husband with her intelligence, wit or knowledge, and confronting and nagging him unnecessarily is not a matter of being liberated; it is a matter of being unwise.
You are mistaken that I think liberated women tend to oppress their husbands, nag or confront them unnecessarily. I advise that women, regardless of whether they are liberated or not, should not do such things. If they do, they may win arguments but lose their men.
Liberated women are independent and free to express themselves. But they are not necessarily happy, not bitter, unpleasant and trying to oppose their partners at every step. In other words, liberated women can be happy or depressed, sweet or bitter, pleasant or unpleasant, oppose their partners at every step or not at all. Being liberated or not liberated, and being happy, sweet, pleasant, opposing or otherwise are different issues.
Liberated women who are wise will be sweet, pleasant and accommodating to their husbands or partners, and as a result they are happy. Unwise liberated women will do the reverse and be depressed.
Fabienne’s other questions can be found at Questions-Answers October 2015 Part 3 and Questions-Answers November 2015 Part 1.
A woman can be very combat efficient and still retains her femininity
I don’t have any illness or problems. Is it necessary for me to practice Cosmic Breathing?
— Belinda, Germany
It is not necessary but it is very beneficial. In fact it is not necessary to practice chi kung, yet a person can live, but practicing chi kung will bring a lot of benefits. As an analogy, you don’t need to buy a car, but a car is certainly very useful. You can walk from Germany to France, or even cross the sea to reach England hugging a log — if you survive the journey. The Polynesian people, for example, crossed the Pacific before cars and ships were invented. But if you can afford it, having a car is very beneficial.
As you have successfully learned the skills and techniques of Cosmic Breathing, make full use of its benefits even when it is not necessary to practice it to carry on living.
When your boyfriend takes you to a date and you are tired, for example, practicing Cosmic Breathing for just about 5 minutes will energize you. When you study for an examination, and your mind just cannot take in any more knowledge, go for a short walk and practice Cosmic Breathing for about 5 minutes. You will be mentally fresh and study more effectively. When you want to play some games, practicing Cosmic Breathing for just 5 minutes will give you better mental focus and more energy for better performance.
Can I combine Cosmic Breathing with Eighteen Lohan Hands?
Yes, you can. You can also combine with other chi kung exercises.
But it is not necessary because Cosmic Breathing is already very powerful by itself. Combining it with other exercises will dilute its power. But for fun or variety, you can combine Cosmic Breathing with any other exercises.
As an analogy, you already earn a lot of money working as a doctor. You are also good at cooking and gardening. Can you combine being a doctor with being a cook and a gardener? You can, but it is not necessary because working as a doctor alone will bring you more incomre than combining your job with cooking and gardening. But for fun or other appropriate reasons, you may combine being a doctor with cooking and gardening.
An Intensive Chi Kung Course in Penang in 2012
I’ve been practicing chi-kung for some time, self learning out of necessity since there is no chi-kung master in my place. I’ve been learning from books, articles and videos, and I have received large benefits from my practice.
May be one of Sifu Wong’s advanced students may come to teach us. I would like to become a healer, though I need to learn first hand from a master.
Mexico is a country with a lot of problems, including very low wages. There are hardly people who can afford the fees of Master Wong Kiew Kit. But I know there should be a way I may learn form the master.
— Francisco, Mexico
I taught in Mexico a few years ago. It was a large class of about 100 students, and each paid about 1000 euros for my courses.
You are right to say than one must be a good chi kung student before he thinks of becoming a chi kung healer.
You are also right to say that if you wish to learn from me, there is a way. I would recommend that you attend my Intensive Chi Kung Course. You will find the chi kung practiced in our school, Shaolin Wahnam, very different from what you have learned from books, articles and videos, and also very different from the chi kung practiced in most other schools.
Editorial Note :
Francisco’s immediate reply:
“Thanks for your answer, I am going to travel to Malaysia to learn at your school. I don’t know when, but I will be there. When I’m ready I’ll check courses and details.”
Grandmaster Wong’s response:
I am very glad of your prompt and right decision. You will certainly find the Intensive Chi Kung Course worth many times your effort to learn it.
Apply the same principle, “When there is a will, there is a way”, to all worthy tasks, and you will soon find that your life will be richer and happier by manifold. A worthy task is one that is honorable and brings benefit to yourself or others or both.
Sifu Wong mentioned that one should not masturbate too often. How often is too often? Is once a day too much?
— Jussi, USA
It depends on the age and vitality of the person who wants to masturbate.
The following verse in Chinese (Cantonese) would be a useful guideline:
Ye sap lien lien
Sam sap thien thien
Translated into English it is as follows.
At twenty, continuously
At thirty, every day
It means that at twenty of age a person, male, can have sex continuously, provided, of course, he has a willing partner who preferably enjoys it too. At thirty of age he can have sex everyday.
As masturbation consumes a similar amount of energy as having sex, perhaps with less pleasure and often with a tincture of frustration, a person who wishes to masturbate may use this verse as a guideline, provided he has vitality. If he lacks vitality, masturbating once a week is too much.
It should be note that the above verse is meant to show a person’s vitality in relation to sex, not to show his necessity or even desirability. In other words if a male youth of twenty can have sex continuously, it shows he has vitality. It is not necessary or desirable that he does it.
How does one know whether he has sufficient vitality to perform his chosen task, regardless of whether it is masturbation or meditation? It is simple. If he is twenty and can satisfactorily masturbate or meditate continuously, he has the vitality to accomplish his task, otherwise he lacks the vitality, in which case it is only wise of him to masturbate or meditate less or none at all even when he wants more.
A sure way to have vitality is to practice genuine, high-level chi kung. Nevertheless, when a person, old or young, male or female, has acquired a lot of vitality, he or she will find masturbation uninteresting. That person will find other activities more rewarding.
If you have any questions, please e-mail them to Grandmaster Wong via his Secretary at firstname.lastname@example.org stating your name, country and e-mail address.